RP Chat - Honda & Espa - Part 1

Characters: OOC!Honda [evilsexmonkey] and IC!Espa [occultbishie]
Setting: coffee shop; set right before the chat with Ghost and Ryuu, and thus before all of the resulting drama from that and the Eris-related drama
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Following this comment, Honda and Espa meet up to talk. Conversation moves from Esper, to love, to shades of truth, to tarot readings that manage to be confusing and omg!accurate at the same time. Plus a serving or two of angsty leanings, cryptic hints about Honda's background, minor mind invasion, and more confusion for Honda's love/sex-life just for good measure. Part 1 of 2.


Honda leaned against the coffee shop counter and scanned the small area as he waited for his drink. So far it didn't look like Espa had arrived yet, unless he looked much differently than Honda was thinking. Taking his drink and smiling at the girl behind the counter, he sat down at a table in the corner of the shop, where he'd have a good view both for watching the door and people-watching.

Espa rushed in, late from asking directions. He had his head down, still frowning from the night before, and ordered expresso, then leaned against the counter and finally looked around, not knowing what Honda looked like.

Casually looking the newcomer over, Honda waited a few moments before standing up and walking over. Besides the difference in clothing, this young man indeed looked very much like Esper had the first time Honda had seen him. "So, Espa I presume?" he asked quietly as he set his drink down on the counter for a moment so he could push back the locks of brown hair that had fallen in his face. He'd have to remember later to get a hair-cut, since he'd stopped using massive amounts of hairgel to maintain that spike he had previously been known for.

"Honda?" Espa said softly, offering his hand distractedly. He grabbed his drink when it came and looked for a table. "Pleased to meet you?" He didn't sound anything like the confident and nosy person he normally was.

"Yup, that's me," Honda replied with a smile. He gripped Espa's hand and gave it a quick, firm shake before letting go and picking up his own drink again. Since the other young man didn't appear to have a certain table in mind, he decided it would be fine to go back to the one he'd been at before. "C'mon, I found a table I like already." He headed for it, weaving around the other tables as he went and trusting that Espa would follow.

When Honda's hand touched Espa's, he jerked back slightly. Something odd... Honda wasn't normal. The feeling passed quickly as Honda spoke, but Espa still stared at him for a minute before following. Maybe it was just lack of sleep from crying all night. He didn't want to judge a possible friend so quickly.

Sliding into the chair and turning slightly, Honda took a quick gulp of his drink and tried to covertly hide his bandaged hand under the table without looking too awkward about it. "So... I'm guessing you haven't been here before. Would you have rather I suggested meeting somewhere else?" That seemed like a decent enough way to start off the conversation, rather than just staring at each other for awhile.

"No, this is fine." Espa noticed the turn and smiled a little. "You're famous for that, you know. Defeating... Well, whatever it was. I'm glad the plagues stopped." He scratched absently at his arm, reminded of those stupid bugs. Ick. At least it was safe to work and let his brothers outside now.

Honda gave Espa a confused stare for a moment before frowning and shaking his head slightly. "Sorry, but I wasn't the one to do the defeating," he replied, looking away. "I just answered a couple of riddles, that's all. Nothing all that interesting or worthy of fame, I promise. Other people did a lot more."

Espa grinned. Yeah, he liked Honda. Most people wouldn't have been so modest, and modesty was a virtue. He pushed his mind away from the flicker of strangeness that had happened when their hands had touched. "Well, thanks for solving the riddle at least. It was more than I could do." He gave a little shrug and looked around. "So, I feel a little weird, meeting up with a stranger from online..."

"Heh, I think a lot of people feel like that," Honda looked back to Espa and smiled. "And all this other-self weirdness just added to it, I'd think. Especially just after the two worlds or whatever were merged the first time. Strangers walking around with the faces of people you know. People having to stop and ask themselves stuff like 'Is this someone I know? Is this the person I actually think it is?'..." He trailed off and rubbed the back of his head with his good hand. "Er, sorry, I'm babbling..."

Espa's face darkened. "Yeah. Too bad my other-self is such a fucking user." He gasped and clapped a hand over his mouth. "Oh gosh! Oh my! I didn't mean to say that word!" He looked horrified, turning red, and ducked his head down. That wasn't even a nice word to think, and he'd said it right in front of people!

Honda blinked several times, slowly lowering his hand as he tried to figure out what Espa was talking about. "Huh, news to me," he replied softly. "Guess that's why you were saying you didn't want to see your other-self again. So, um... do you wanna talk about it or would you feel better keeping it to yourself? I won't pass judgment on you either way."

Espa sighed. "I dunno... Do you know Esper? It wouldn't be a very good start at friendship if I trashed someone you knew, would it? And... I guess he's not evil... He's just..." He threw his hands up. "Just not a good person, you know?"

Looking down and staring into his cup, Honda bit his lip and debated what to say. Finally he sighed and glanced up. "Yeah, I know him, but... You don't have to talk if you don't want to, but I'm more than willing to listen if you need to vent about him. I meant it too, I won't judge you." He shrugged and looked down again. He knew it was probably a bad idea, but he really did want to hear. If he said he didn't, he'd just be lying and left to wonder about it later.

Espa frowned. "Well, we went on a date... My first one ever, actually. And it turned out he was just using me to make the person he's actually in love with jealous or notice him more or something. Something I should have known before making out with him, my very first kiss at that, and halfway falling in love with him..." He sounded more bitter than he thought he could. "So... How do you know him? Even if you go back and tell him I said these things, I don't care... I told him off already." He just couldn't believe anyone would do that, especially his other self.

Honda absent-mindedly brought his bandaged left hand up and rested his cheek against the wrappings on his palm as he listened to Espa and traced patterns on the table with his good hand. "Wow, didn't realize he was the type to do something like that to get someone jealous or get himself noticed or whatever..." he murmured as he frowned slightly. He was unsure what to believe, especially since he had no idea yet about Esper's take on this. "Halfway falling in love?" he questioned, raising an eyebrow. "Should I assume the feelings are gone now, or they still being annoying and lingering where you don't want them?"

Espa leaned his head on his hands, staring at the bandage. "Uh... You didn't say how you know him... And what happened?" He gestured at Honda's hand, sighing. "Lingering, I guess, but don't tell him that. Its better that he thinks I hate him."

"Don't worry," Honda replied, an odd smile playing on his lips. "I doubt I'll have much opportunity to let something like that slip anyways. At the moment I'm not entirely sure what to consider he and I. One day he and I happened to both be at the mall and we met up. After that we kept running into each other, sometimes intentionally and sometimes completely accidentally." He shrugged and moved his head off his hand. "Got burned when Mahaado refused to let go this weekend; there's not much else to say about it."

"+h. Well, I have some home remedies if it's causing you pain," Espa offered. "Um... This is weird, and I shouldn't ask, but do you know Esper's boyfriend?" he knew he was being inappropriate since he didn't know Honda, but he wanted to know...

Honda shook his head, the small smile not fading completely. "Nah, it's okay as long as I don't poke at it too much. I'm already going back to the hospital in a few days, just to have them look over and make sure it's healing and all. And as for Esper's boyfriend... I suppose I can't just say 'no comment' and leave it there, huh?" He sighed and closed his eyes then quietly continued, "Fine, I'll admit that I have a pretty good idea whose jealousy and attention he might have been after... but I'd like to know why you're asking before I say anything more."

Espa frowned. "I guess I want to see what's special about him. And maybe tell him what happened if he's a decent guy. I'd want someone to tell me, for sure...." It wouldn't have been his business if Esper hadn't dragged him into it. "I need to go visit Mahaado in the hospital when I get a chance. I feel awful for him."

Picking up his cup and staring into it, Honda let an ironic smile cross his face. "If you'd asked me at the beginning of this little discussion, I'd have said that there's nothing special about--" He quickly bit back his words before he could admit too much. "About him. I probably would have even said that Esper could do a lot better. Now... not so sure what to say. It's complicated, like far too many things in Domino are. Don't worry, I'll make sure he gets his opportunity to ask Esper what's going on should he want to know." He looked up at Espa, his smile becoming a touch more friendly as he murmured, "Yeah, I should visit Mahaado too..." He fell silent again and shifted uncomfortably, not sure how to change the topic.

Espa nodded. "Okay, I guess. I shouldn't talk to him anyways. I think I'm off of relationships for good..." Sigh. So lonely. Wanted to meet Esper's boyfriend, too. "Yeah... I really really hope he's okay. He was only trying to help." It was so sad...

"Aw, don't let this ruin your view of relationships completely. Maybe soon you'll find someone else you like enough to think about dating." Honda gulped down his now-lukewarm drink before he accidentally said anything that might come off as flirting. "I'd... rather not get into a discussion of Mahaado's intentions and if he helped or hurt the situation, okay? I've already figured out that I seem to hold an opinion that's less than popular, much as I like the guy." He waved his bandaged hand a little. "Again, complicated. Something else you'd care to talk about? Or maybe that reading you mentioned?"

Espa shrugged. "The right thing isn't always popular, you know. And no... I guess I've sworn off dating now. I really really would like to meet Esper's boyfriend and see why he's special..." He smiled wanly over his drink. "But thanks anyways I know I'm not likeable or popular."

Leaning back, Honda rolled his eyes and looked around the coffee shop. "I already told you, I don't think there is anything special to see. And in case Esper didn't say it, you should know that it's not even an official relationship." He paused and frowned a bit. "I certainly hope Esper mentioned that, or else there's a lot more issues of truth going around than I realized." Shaking his head, Honda looked back to Espa and attempted a smile. "You seem likeable enough to me."

Espa grabbed Honda's hand quickly, frowning. He closed his eyes tightly, then jerked back, his chair falling over, and stared at him.

Honda blinked in surprise when Espa grabbed his hand, his weak smile already gone. After Espa let go of his hand, he slowly slid it off the table and into his lap. He stared back cautiously, not sure what was going on. "Okay..." he said quietly, doing his best to stay calm. "Two questions. First, why'd you do that? Second, what the hell's got you looking so spooked?" He'd heard that Espa had real abilities, but that didn't help his confusion much. And considering how many secrets and half-truths he had in his mind, there was no telling what Espa had seen or what he'd make of it.

Espa had slight control over what he looked for, not delving into Honda's privacy, so he hadn't gotten much. "You're... You could have told me!" Grrr...

"I'm... what?" Honda asked hesitantly, still not sure what Espa meant. He couldn't just start listing off all the words of what he was, since he didn't want to give the other young man anything more than whatever he'd gotten to be upset with him over. "Weird beyond belief?" he tried anyways. "Obviously not a psychic?"

"Not normal. And Esper's boyfriend." Those were the two things he'd felt. He didn't know what to do, and walked slowly to Honda, staring up at him and chewing on his lip. "So why didn't you just say so?"

Honda opened his mouth to answer, then closed it again. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. "Well, now I know what's bothering you. Still dunno why you did that, but I guess you don't plan on saying," he muttered finally. "First... no, I'm not normal. It's not the sort of thing people usually go around blabbing, okay? Maybe you understand, if anyone's treated you oddly when they realize you have real abilities. Second..." He sighed and stared at the floor, having a feeling his attempts not to blush were failing. "Second, I'm not his boyfriend and I never have been. Being interested in him isn't the same thing, but I wasn't sure how you'd take me admitting that. If you'd looked a little further, you'd have realized that I'm interested in a lot of people so it doesn't mean all that much."

Espa smiled a little. "Okay. Yeah, I'm not normal. That's not horrible, you know." He sighed, then did something completely unexpected, due to lack of sleep and depression - He stood on his toes, grabbed Honda's hand again and tried to kiss him. And yeah, he had his reasons for it.

"Ah... um..." Honda stammered, eyes wide, too shocked to move or push Espa away. His mind clouded over and made it very difficult to think much past how close Espa was and how nice his skin felt against Honda's, but at the same time also how uncomfortable all this public attention was. He didn't dare look around to see how many people must be staring; this was almost as bizarre as the time Otogi had tried to kiss him in the midst of the crowded mall.

Espa released his hand and ran his fingers through the brunette hair, trying to deepen the kiss like he had with Esper. This was just as nice... Even if he didn't quite know what he was doing, he still slid his tongue between Honda's lips and pressed against him.

Still staring, Honda slowly lifted his hands to put them on Espa's shoulders before reluctantly pulling away. He shook his head sadly and stammered, "N-no, I'm... I'm not... not gonna be s-some d-dis-straction while you... you t-try to get over Esper... or w-whatever the hell you're d-doing. Y-you... you d-deserve better than a... a thing... a whore l-like me..." He trailed off as he realized the stammer wasn't stopping and instead continued staring at Espa, unable to move his hands from Espa's shoulders any more than he was able to rid himself of the fearful expression he was sure he had.

"But... Please? Don't push me away..." Espa clung to Honda's arm. "If you like Esper, why can't you like me?" Another rejection. This was the worst week ever. "Listen... I... I don't care who else you're seeing, I just want a chance..." To be normal. To not be lonely all the time. And Honda wasn't like anyone he'd met, even if he didn't know why yet. He hoped he didn't look as pathetic as he sounded, holding Honda's eyes with his own.

"I..." Honda stared for a few more moments, then dropped his gaze and slid his hands down to lightly rest on Espa's arms. "I do l-like you. Or... or at least, I-I think I do. S-some. But... you deserve... more. Y-you deserve someone who... who will be as f-faithful to you as you... you are to them. N-not... not someone who'll st-stand around b-being interested in half the people who cross his p-path." He had to work hard to contain the urge to pull his hands away and run. Just because Katsuya had eventually forgiven him for doing that, it didn't mean it was a good idea.

"I told you, I don't care," Espa whispered. "No one wants me around. And at least you're honest. I truly believe people should follow what makes them happy if they're not hurting anyone. And you're not hurting me if you're honest... If it makes you happy..."

Honda shook his head and opened his eyes slowly as a calm settled on him. "You're not gonna talk me into thinking it's okay," he replied quietly, giving Espa a sad smile. "I will hurt you, even more than I already am, whether you want to admit it to yourself or not. My honesty... isn't something I can give you. There's too much you don't know about me, too much I can't let you know." He let his hands fall to his sides. "I'm sorry."

Espa frowned and grabbed Honda's hand quickly. "So, I'll take it from you! I can know what I want to know! Its the advantage of being a screwed-up freak, you know!" He closed his eyes, trying to ignore the desperation and loneliness, trying to find a way through... There had to be some way to make it okay, he knew it.

Honda stared, his mind going blank except for a dawning sense of realization as the pieces fell into place. "You can't take honesty from people," he murmured, not taking his hand away. "Even if you take the facts from their minds, it's not the same. Love and honesty are two things that can't be taken, only given." He lifted his injured hand and brushed the bandage against Espa's cheek. "I never said or thought you a screwed-up freak, just for the record. I do think you rely on that ability a bit too much though. Some things are better off not known."

"But you are honest... I just want the facts!" He couldn't... His eyes were still closed, trying to open that pathway. Please... Please... He wanted this, he did.

"No, no I'm not," Honda replied as he rubbed Espa's cheek one last time, then dropped his hand. "Do you not realize you have to be willing to trust people before you'll ever get a relationship worth anything? I wish you had just asked what you wanted to know." Closing his eyes as well, he forced to the front of his thoughts the memory of the stench of burning flesh and waited to see if Espa would pick up on it or delve further to the more hidden secrets.

Oh... Ooooh, no! Espa didn't have a stomach for that sort of thinking, and pulled back, gagging. So Honda was intelligent enough to guard his thoughts... That would have been interesting if he didn't feel like he was going to throw up. He curled in on himself, staring at Honda in horror and trying not to be sick. "What? Why... Why did you do that?" his stomach felt like it had turned in on itself... Oh please don't let me throw up...

Honda stared down at Espa in shock. "I... didn't know you'd react so badly," he whispered, shaking slightly. "I just wanted you to stop, not to make you sick. Believe it or not, that's one of my more innocuous bits of memory." He moved to offer Espa a hand up, then thought better of it and moved a chair closer instead. A quick glare, and everyone in the coffee shop suddenly had other directions to look. Slumping into the other chair, he asked quietly, "Do you understand now why I'd say some things are better for you not to know?"

Espa sat down and looked away. "That's sad... Don't you have any good memories?" He asked in a small voice. "I... That..." He gagged again. "Sorry... I'm such a wuss... When Ghost stabbed me, I couldn't even look, Eris had to bandage it." He ran a finger down the scar, then looked back at Honda. "And even, having seen that, I still like you. Maybe we can make better memories?"

Honda smiled a bit. "Don't worry, I'm not completely screwed up in the head. I have good thoughts too, just figured those would make you want more." He began idly tracing patterns on the table with a finger. "It's okay if you are a wuss, I don't mind. I think sometimes, in my own way, I'm a bit of one too. I'm honored for the chance to be your friend, but... I'm not sure I can trust myself as anything like your lover."

Espa shook his head. "Nope, I can't handle those sort of things... I'm more into rainbows and lollipops and family, even if I do like the occasional horror film." He paused and looked at Honda calmly. "Why couldn't you? If you knew for sure that monogamy wasn't a big deal to me, would that change your mind? I know everyone assumes I'm all monogamous and everything, but really, I'm pretty open. I'm bisexual and as long as it's an upfront sort of thing, and not lies, then it's fine, really. I wouldn't say it was if I didn't know, okay? I'm painfully honest." The smile twitched a little at that. "Why do you think people don't like me? They don't like what I say..."

"Ah, so you're mad at Esper for lying, not for liking someone else," Honda replied softly, deciding how to respond past that. "Hate to break it to ya, but I've had a lot of people say they didn't mind if I date other people, and I've found that they always changed their minds." He shook his head a little, picking up his abandoned cup. "Besides, the point isn't that I don't trust or like you; though I'm not thrilled at you trying to force yourself into my thoughts. In the end, it's me I don't trust enough to let myself closer."

"I guess I'll have to change your mind..." Espa said softly. "And yeah... He didn't like me. He said so. He was just wanting to be slutty." He smiled and took Honda's hand again, kissing it, then setting it down. "And... I won't force myself in your thoughts unless you ask for a reading, okay?"

Honda raised an eyebrow and smirked. He'd have to keep the offer of a reading in mind, if only to see if Espa was still willing later. "Good then, I don't particularly like having others trying to get at my thoughts. I'm not sure how you plan to change my mind about this relationship thing, if the problem is lack of trust in myself, much less why you'd want to go to the effort. Is Esper's brand of... slutty that different from mine?"

"I don't care about slutty, if you admit to it. Especially since I don't know what I'm doing - it'd be nice for one person in the pair to know what they're doing" Espa smiled. "And like I said, I'll do a reading. If I see that you're untrustworthy, well, I'll drop the issue. Simple as that. But, I've gotta tell you, I'm a pretty good judge of character, and I still kissed you." He sipped at his drink, thinking.

"...Right," Honda replied unconvinced, still smirking faintly as he twirled his empty cup in his hand. "Suddenly you seem so eager to do a reading for me. Right here and now?"

"If that's what you want," Espa said holding his palms out. "Should I be as scared as I am?" He had no clue what was going to happen.

Honda bit his lip for a moment. "You don't have to if you don't want to. I won't get offended if you'd rather just stay out of my head. Dunno much about readings, but I'd think it's not a great idea to be too scared when doing one."

Espa giggled nervously. "Well, not as scared as when that Noa fellow asked for a reading..." He tentatively touched Honda's hands, not fully holding them yet. "I can do several types... Palm readings, tarot readings, or the natural reading. Do you have a preference?"

"Uh... considering I really don't know much about readings? Nope, no preference right now. Maybe you should either tell me a little about them or just pick for me..."

Espa nodded. "Okay, a tarot reading is with cards, and I do either an 8-card spread for relationships, or a 10-card one for a general life overview. Palm readings delve into the person's personality and where their life is headed. The natural readings... Are unpredictable. It depends on whether I can force myself into your head."

"Eh, I'm going to say right now that the natural reading is out. As for tarot or palm..." Honda set down his cup and thought about it. "I'm... not sure if I want to know right now where my life is heading. No offense or anything. I think..." he paused, still debating for a moment before reaching a decision. "I think let's go with the relationship tarot reading. It'd probably do me more good right now than a life overview would."